The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
