we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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