I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
