I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
