sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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