Walk of Shame. In a state park.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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