Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
