Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
