I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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