I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
