what day is it and did you see me today?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
