you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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