Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
