so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
