what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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