and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
