someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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