Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
