mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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