oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
