One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
