her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
