So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
