She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
