I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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