that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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