So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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