he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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