He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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