Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
