If i come over, it means nothing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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