i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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