Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
