I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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