Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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