I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
