I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
