so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
