It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
