I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
