I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
