glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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