go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
