Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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