I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
