This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
