i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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