Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
