idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
