Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
