she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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