Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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