the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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