Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
