WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
