I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Terrible idea I love it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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